WHY DO THEY BEHAVE IN THAT WAY?
If you’re dealing with a narcissistic husband, wife or partner, the following could give you a little insight.
The behaviours and fantasies that are linked with narcissism can be understood as a defence against underlying…
Insecurity – some actually have a fragile sense of self, are easily hurt by criticism and are floored by failures (aka ‘narcissistic injury’)
Unresolved conflict – for whatever reason, they didn’t get what they needed or expected from their caregivers in childhood
Unpleasant memories – we all have them, but a narcissist can’t let them go – hence the defensive behaviours and the…
Unpleasant feelings – which they’re constantly trying to escape from, in ways that are detrimental to others
Stereotypical gender role – they may exhibit behaviours which they learned from their parents or other care-givers
Any of these are likely to be rooted in childhood, including – for some – rejection at the hands of the very people who should have shown them unconditional love and acceptance. (At least, this is the psychodynamic explanation for now.)
As a result of this:
They now defend their feelings of rejection by continually telling themselves that they are perfect and lovable.
They may convince themselves that they are self-sufficient and do not require warm relationships with others. This does not mean that they really don’t need others…
They feel rejected, forlorn, empty and depressed when someone leaves them. It’s too much of a reminder of the past, without their consciously making that connection.
In reality, the narcissist’s self-esteem often appears high but sadly, for many (certainly not all), is likely to be very fragile. And they’re almost completely unable to cope with criticism because it can leave them feeling crushed.
