TOP 10 TIPS FOR SURVIVING AND DEALING WITH A NARCISSISTIC HUSBAND, WIFE OR PARTNER
1. Be safe!
Don’t allow your partner to violate your boundaries.
2. Take time to focus on meeting your own emotional needs.
Give yourself permission not to think about your partner or spouse 24 hours a day!
3. Remind yourself frequently that you are still uniquely smart and lovable
Your partner may well suggest otherwise, so you’ll need to learn to protect yourself.
I highly recommend you get the hypnosis downloads “Boosting Your Self-Esteem” and “Dealing with Narcissistic Behaviour” via my page: Self-hypnosis frequently asked questions).
4. Make good use of your resources
to deal with your own pre-existing insecurities, so that you’re better protected against your partner’s criticism.
5. Accept that you cannot change your partner
If only you could change your partner! Believe me, I too have wished I could many a time (my spouse had no narcissistic traits though).
6. Understand that they’re incapable of forming worthwhile relationships
They can’t form a truly loving, close relationship and you’re unlikely to ever really get through to them no matter how much love, care and consideration you show them.
7. Don’t take it personally
See their narcissistic behaviour as a reflection of their insecurities. That also counts when they’re giving you the silent treatment!
8. Share your experience
Talk to a trusted person. I highly recommend you connect with an online, professional, licensed therapist for the best advice. Alternatively, you could ask for relationship advice from a priest or another wise individual in your own surroundings – someone you know won’t judge and won’t blab (unless you’re in danger of serious harm).
9. Decide for yourself what is- and what isn’t acceptable behaviour
Write it down. Discuss it with someone you trust to make sure that you’re not making excuses for their behaviour.
10. Set clear boundaries
as per #1 and decide what the consequences will be for unacceptable behaviour (no petty punishments though!). Stick to it!
You may increasingly feel that you can no longer carry on with this relationship. And if that’s the case, give yourself permission to feel okay about that. And give yourself time to make the right decision – for you.
Can you ever hope to change things when you’re living with a narcissist?
Put simply: you can’t change your partner.
Not because he or she is (or may be) narcissistic. But because no-one has (or should have) sufficient power over another person in order to force them to change. And a ‘narcissist’ in particular is unlikely to ever seek treatment – either of their own accord or at the suggestion of someone else.
All of us choose to change our behaviour on account of feedback – positive or negative – and self-reflection.
Those with narcissistic traits lack the capacity for self-reflection and have little insight into their own shortcomings and impact on others. Therefore, it’s unlikely that they will want to change – largely because they won’t ever think they need to!
So, bringing about change in this kind of relationship is very challenging indeed, but not impossible. In any case, I would strongly advise that you get professional help – either to navigate the relationship or to end it altogether.
